my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
