dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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