my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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