1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
