I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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