No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
