i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
