Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
