Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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