he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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