She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
