I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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