umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
