So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
