Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
