i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
