I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
bring money and cleavage
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
