If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
