Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
