my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
from now on my penis is your penis
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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