i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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