In the future we'll all be gay
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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