I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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