I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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