No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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