I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
