if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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