textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
false alarm, still single
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