just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
