I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
