i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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