Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
