Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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