I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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