The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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