Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
