god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
