i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
