Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
