I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Operation Purity has been aborted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
