i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
