see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
