Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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