if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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