I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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