I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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