I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
