im six kinds of drunk right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
