It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
