This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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