Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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