The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
