I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
