i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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