yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
