I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
