Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
