Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
